In a gentleman's perambulations, he comes to acquaintance with many of the Eminents of his time. However, he also comes to meet the drudges, the hanged men, the shellfish-dregs of Humanity that silt up the river-bottoms of common Society.
A peculiar passage of Lucian, which made reference to Sanchuniathon, in whose researches into the cult of Ba'al I was most intrigued. So, determined to find a pagan Idoll, I found a heathen of the Schoolroom - a most desiccated example, Dr. Sledge. This Sledge cou'd not be persuaded to hand me any of the materials I requested. He pluck'd & tugg'd at the flecks of Tobacco on his lips, apparently a Residue of a recent chew, and nibbl'd excitedly at a stack of Potatoe-wedges when I ask'd him of his students. He hurriedly retriev'd a folder, and gave me this paper, telling me that it wou'd explain Idol-ism better than any Canaanite.
Thus, I introduce the following, into the record, as a measure of the present aera. Of it, I may only say that I have never met, nor encounter'd in sundry readings & investigations of the world, so bold a braggart, so defiant a liar.:
"Dear M. :
I am sorry that I looked at Sparknotes and then wrote my paper. I did not intentionally have the same materials as was on Sparknotes. I read the book several times but I wanted a clearer understanding of the characters. I felt that something I was reading aref [sic] something important. I just started typing and couldn't stop until I finished. I did not realize that I just remember things once I read it so I say that I have a photographic memory.
"I visualize things in my mind so I can see what would happen if I did a certain thing. My mind knows what another persons [sic] going to do because of their tendencies. I have an understanding of the human mind and what people are going to do before they do it. I always have a plan when I do something, and once it is set into motion the result never changes even if I try to change some instances.
"I've been having black outs for a while and I completely lost consciouness [sic] in church beto [sic], but I thought it went away...I started to lose my memory and had trouble remembering things sometimes and I knew that something was um [sic].
"I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to let the team down...my brain hurt when I had a thought. I could not focus and my head was killing me...
"When writhe [sic] the paper, I wesaw [sic] satisfied with just one so I wrote several essays. I used to write all the time, and I could write about anything. I did not make different copies as joke [sic], I did it because I love writing, and I love learning about Shakespeare plays.
"I still don't think that I plagiarized because I believe plagiarizing is copying and pasting someone [sic] work and calling it your own. I'm sorry for having the same thing as Sparknotes, I didn't do it intentionally. My paper looks like I just plagiarized, and I admit some words are used, but I honestly don't believe I plagiarized.
"I can't say I plagiarized even when I'm faced with all the facts because I believed I did not plagiarize. I do not lie because I see no need to, I am a person who believes that he don't [sic] need to copy anyone's work because my work is perfect. I apologize for how responded [sic] to you Monday, I'm still recuperating and I just got back and I reacted. What you saw as a threat. This is the reason I was malicous [sic]. I am at fault for this an I am sorry."
What can one say to a prodigy of memory & Forgetfulness? To such a son of Mnemosyne and Lethe?